Over the years there have been those people who tell us they remember Debs on her birthday. There are those who remember her on the anniversary of her death. There are those who remember her on both. Then there are those that will let us know they remember her whenever she pops into their heads during their day to day lives. Whenever it is, I can only say how grateful mum and I are that you take the time to let us know. We even received a large anonymous donation to the charity in memory of my sister recently – it would have been nice to be able to thank this person just as we thank those who write to us with their memories! In the absence of knowing who it was – thank you. All in all, it is very comforting to know that my sister is still remembered. After all she was quite memorable ;o)
Being a parent now, compared to when Debs died means there is little time to act on my own thoughts and feelings (all parents know this), especially when they are centred on sadness. I never want my children to have the burden of my own sadness (or any other emotion except happiness). I am always “great” when my children ask how my day was or how I am feeling. I often think about how differently I would have dealt with my sister dying had my children been alive at the time. It has also made me think about the immeasurable pain and loss my mum has had to deal with. However, even though my sister is gone, I am still here and she is still a parent. I could not imagine one of my children dying but I know if it did happen, I would make sure my other child had the most stress free, sadness-free life as possible. That starts with how I project and communicate my own feelings and actions.
This is one of the things I have learnt in becoming a parent and there are many lessons in life. My mum’s resilience and compassion comes from her mum, my grandmother. Sadly she was taken too early by cancer and I miss her dearly. Not only was she stunningly beautiful but she was the most incredibly strong woman – the epitome of a leader. Someone who provides strong support and guidance but never from the centre spotlight – “the invisible carer”. She supported her family and husband until the very end. Always with a smile. Always with dignity. Always with respect. My mum is exactly the same and those lessons are still being taught to me and now, my children.
Debs also left a few lessons to us all. Debs made the most of every situation, always seeing the fun that could be had. Debs never took life too seriously. Debs wore her heart on her sleeve and was never afraid to show her feelings. Debs loved with her whole heart. When Debs became sad or angry she had her moment and then let it go. Debs always had forgiveness and made amends with those nearest and dearest to her. I would give anything to see what a woman, and what a parent, Debs would have become.
We should all try and make sure we follow the lead from Debs on those few lessons. During the next 12 months, have your “down” moments but let them go. Forgive. Love. Smile and have fun.
Until 2017, thanks for stopping by and reading this.
Take care of you, your own and each other.
DING!
Debbie Ing Memorial Fund 