2022- 19 Years

This year seems to have come around quicker than any other I can remember. But yet when I attempt to think about what actually happened in the last 12 months, I pull a blank. Perhaps its a product of the pandemic, perhaps its my age creeping up through the numbers, perhaps its just because my mind is trying to stop me remembering everything.

Its not a surprise really as the last year has seen a few things I would rather forget. The first anniversary of a dear friend’s death, a number of old school friends finding out they have life changing or terminal illnesses and a few operations that mum had to go through. All in all, a year to forget.

However I still have a lot to be grateful for. My family are all well, we have a roof over our head and have had many moments with side-splitting laughs. We were able to spend Christmas with loved ones again, we had a summer that was just wonderful and we really relished in the times we all spent together making memories.

I’m not proud to admit that I have caught myself getting angry this past 12 months that my sister is not with me. Does the stupid bitch woman who was illegally driving on the motorway ever think about the accident she caused? Does the man driving the van that hit and killed Debs ever think about that 27 year old girl? I thought I had got over this but every now again it rears its ugly head and I don’t like it. I don’t like it because the deep sadness always follows. I always carry sadness with me, every single day of the past 19 years but its manageable. Like an ache that you know is there but can ignore most of the time until you aggravate it. Then it becomes your sole focus for a period of time.

I balance this out by trying to think about how Debs would want me to be living my life. This then leads to me wondering how Debs would be living her life. And this is a double edged sword. On the one hand it messes with your mind because 19 years is a long time and there is no telling how Debs would be living now. There is no telling how she would feel. How she would be. Who she would be. Where she would be. Would she still be the tempestuous, firey, strong, determined, opinionated, loving, passionate, caring, fun human being she was at 27? Who knows? But the positive side of that sword is we can all create the image of Debs that resonates with us most. The Debs who touched our lives and left her imprint. The Debs who we carry with us and use at times of need, doubt, challenge or choice.

No matter what your memory, no matter the imprint left behind. Debs changed everyone’s life who were blessed to spend time with her. What an incredible legacy! I feel a little sorry for anyone that was not blessed to have that very special gift!

So what will the next 12 months bring? When I am writing this on the 20th anniversary, what will I be saying I wonder. When I consider a year ahead, I tend to use words to define my goals. In 2021, legacy was one of my words. However, I am a long way from creating one so I have carried it forward into 2022. Just as my Debs had a wonderful legacy, I aim to set the wheels in the motion for my own.

Whatever you end up doing in the next 12 months, I hope its done with a smile, a full heart, your loved ones close by and a few thoughts of Debs who you know will be along for the ride.

Take care.

Ding!