As I wrote last year, I have been making a conscious effort to try and use every reminder of my sister to create a positive reaction rather than a negative one. I signed off last year’s message with “after 15 years as a negative trigger, I wonder how long it will take to become a subconscious positive one……….lets see……….” Well I can report it takes longer than a year. If I am being honest, more often than not my subconscious reaction is still one of anger and negativity. But I do catch myself though and then consciously turn it into a positive. So its a step forward at least.
One thing I had not factored into my mental-realignment practice was the impact of other external events. Particularly those related to loss and death. Sadly my Grandfather passed away at the beginning of April last year and this brought with it all the same feelings and emotions that I had with Debs and my Dad before her. It really does create a barrier to change.
My Grandfather was very similar to Debs in that they were both a force to reckoned with. They could enter a room and the room felt different. They would interact with people and you could see how those people were positively affected – I mean you could literally see how they would physically change – almost knowing they had been blessed to have spoken to that person. Such was the strength of this affect that once the whirlwind of their entry had passed, it was even more obvious with the return to “normality” in the room. There are not many people to have graced this World who can say the impact of them coming into and being in our lives is as great and as defining as losing them from our lives!!!
After my Dad dying in 1999, my Grandfather became the most important man in my life. To lose him has meant losing that icon once again.
So the past 12 months have presented these and other reasons to prevent the mental shift but that does not mean I wont keep trying. I do want to get to the point where any reminder of Debs creates a warm and happy feeling inside me. Lets see what happens in due course…….
I hope that the past 12 months has been kind to you and even though you have no doubt had challenges to overcome, that you feel stronger and/or wiser for having done so.
Thank you to all those who remember Debs, not just on poignant dates but anytime. Thank you for reaching out with your memories, your photos or how someone did something that reminded you of…. or how you had wished Debs was there that time when…… Also thank you to the secret donation we received for the Charity (for the second year in a row). This money will be going to a very good cause helping children in our local area!
Until next time, I hope you smile, laugh and love more today than you did yesterday!
DING! xxx
Debbie Ing Memorial Fund 