Writing the title to this was tough. I cant believe its been 18 years. Thats a huge amount of time to not have Debs around. So much can happen and indeed has happened in 18 years. If I focus on the time she has not been here I can get myself into a very dark place, very quickly.
The past 12 months has been insane. I wonder what Debs would have made of the pandemic. Would she have obeyed all the restrictions? I would like to think by 2021, Debs would have been very happy, in love, with some kids. Debs loved children so this is an easy thought to imagine. I do think Debs would have challenged some of the ridiculous messaging that has come out in the wake of the virus but so long as the kids were put first, I think Debs would be ok.
Being “ok” is not something that has come easy to so many people this past year. Too many have had their lives turned upside down thanks to Covid…..losing businesses…..losing jobs…..losing homes…..losing loved ones. As a family, thankfully, the worst we have had to deal with is not seeing certain people, like my own mother (until they allowed bubbles) or Zoe’s parents who live all the way in Devon. And like so many others, having a very different Christmas and New Year to what was planned. But I do consider us lucky as we have not had anyone sick, our income has been reduced but consistent, and we have had so much more time together with the kids that I have loved.
In years gone by I have talked about turning the reminders of Debs into a positive rather than a negative. This past year I have used my experiences of grief (I have lost too many people its crazy) to help others grieving via free Zoom calls that I host. Through the power of social media the group has grown to over 3,000 people and I regularly get 40,50,60 people registering to join the almost-weekly calls. If I had not had to deal with losing my dad, my sister, my grandparents and countless friends (the last of which was in September), I would not be able to help others. Old age, cancer, suicide, addiction, road traffic accidents, heart attacks……all causes of deaths that I can talk first hand about. So because of all this, my negatives in life are now positives for others.
People still remember Debs and that is so heartwarming. Whether it is on social media, to me or mum in person, via a text or a call…..its all so lovely. 18 years on, to still be in people’s minds and memories is testimony to the amazing person she was. Thank you everyone who does!
For now, please look after yourselves, stay safe and keep well.
DING x
Debbie Ing Memorial Fund 