2024 – 21 Years

it’s funny how the mind can play tricks on you. Writing “21 years” was not as bad as writing “20 years” last year, despite it meaning that yet another year has passed since Deb’s smile has been seen, her laugh heard or her warm hug felt.

Time is a funny thing. Some things that have happened can seem like yesterday, whilst others a life time ago. I wrote in 2013 that I don’t subscribe to time being a healer and I still believe that. Whilst we don’t heal from tragedy it does create a benchmark for how bad life can be. This benchmark is an unwavering reminder what you have dealt with or are dealing with. It helps put all future struggles and challenges into a measurable comparison but can also provide incentive to keep going. The number of times I have said to myself, or others, “it’s not as bad as 2003”, or “we have known much worse than this”, or “I got through 2003, I can get through this”. Our benchmarks change as we grow older but they are always a useful barometer to remind us what we are capable of. As a child, it might be losing or breaking a special toy. As a teen, it could be the process of mending a broken heart from breaking up with our first love, or dealing with our parents divorce. Then as we get older, we eventually deal with the inevitable loss incurred by the death of a loved one. Benchmarks are a part of life but can be a positive tool to help us each and every day. That is how I try to positively look at Deb’s passing. Even in death she is helping each and every day.

The past year has been so hard for so many. The cost of living has gone up so much that some people and families are having to choose to “heat or eat”. Lots of companies are cutting costs, striping back on paid services and making staff redundant. This all adds to the spiralling stress and anxiety being felt by so many. This is over and above “normal” life being lived – juggling work, kids, parents, homes or people we care about getting sick. Some would say these are all first world problems. And yes whilst they are compared to those living in the likes of Israel, Gaza, Ukraine or the Russia border right now, remember we are lucky enough not to live in a war zone. For sure it’s always good to have a healthy perspective on things, especially our own lives but don’t minimise what you are dealing with right now because other people in this World have it much harder than yourself. That perspective is healthy like I say but it doesn’t stop the bill from needing to be paid, or loved ones getting sick – all very real challenges we face every day. That minimising or even denying eventually leads to greater problems. Instead use your benchmark to help keep moving forward, getting you through things. Thanks Debs for being mine!

Whilst on the subject of benchmarks, perspective and time. I understand all too well how challenging life can be but please know it’s always so lovely to get messages about how something has reminded you about Debs. Thank you for taking the time and effort and continuing to share them with me or mum. These reminders are not necessarily linked to a certain date each year. Of course it means a lot when you do reach out on those poignant dates, but what is more important when something, at some point, triggers you to remember Debs, is that hold her in your mind and heart for a moment or two………

Thanks to everyone who reads this and cares.

Until next year. DING! x